Well, well. Little Miss Cupcake has been busy. In less than a week, her second tooth has erupted. I'm amazed at how little fuss she's really had with it. Some drool. Some fingers. And bam. It's there, poking out without a bit of fanfare.

So long toothless grin. Alas, I shall miss you. Okay, I have some time until those two teeth are fully up. But days are numbered now.

In other news, it's clear that LMC is mobile now. She's been ooching for quite some time. Getting up on her hands and knees for a few weeks now too. She'll even push up on hands and toes, then "jack rabbit" herself forward. With all this movement, she's managing to get across the playroom floor pretty decently. Today, Monkey Boy cried out, "Help mama!" as LMC crawled all the way over to him, then into his lap to grab at his toy. Ah, the karma comes around at last.

Yes, the first tooth has finally arrived! I'm amazed that there's been so little fuss cutting this one. Cupcake Girl has had a mouth full of teeth bumps for well over a month now. We've had a couple of tough nights over the past week, and last night another one.

And this morning, we have a first tooth well poked through, with little to no fanfare.

Hopefully, the rest will be just as easy.

Making the rounds today: http://mediacaffeine.com/solutions/social-media-marketing-solutions/motrin-learns-hell-hath-no-fury-like-baby-wearing-moms/

Now, my reactions are twofold. First of all, someone obviously has some mommy issues. As in they don't feel like a "real mom" because they're not wearing their babies? Or that moms are pressured to wear their babies, when they don't want to? This ad was either done by a man or woman with no children, or a woman who has some serious issues with leaving her children in order to stay in a high stress career.

Second, way too much reading. How many moms really have their eyes glued to the tv to read words? Give me a voice over at least. Geesh. Too much work.

I don't typically blog about politics. Not that I'm not political, by any means. So this past week, as we were glued to the TV watching election results, I had the opportunity to talk about the election and candidates with Mr. Frog Prince, who at all of 6 years old, can understand a little about the Presidency and elections and things.

FP was full of questions while he digested this new information. All very good questions, such as "How do you pick who to vote for if you don't know what he's going to do as President?" Ah yes, a very good question indeed!

I see Obama everywhere. There's talk about hope. Talk about how this is the first election that my generation is truly represented. And I can't help but wonder what our political landscape will look like for my children. Will we be able to pass on involvement, activism, and stakeholdership to the next generations? Or is this just a passing phase and will the disenfranchisement take hold once again? I truly hope that it will be the former rather than the latter.

So, the week before Halloween, I noticed that places like Target were already making room and preparing shelves for Xmas clutter. Lights and bulbs and garlands and wrapping paper and stuff.

Today, xmas is in full swing. Our trip to the mall today was full of:

1. Holiday decorations galore, including Xmas trees, garlands, lights, the works;
2. Christmas music;
3. SANTA'S HOUSE, thankfully, not staffed just yet
4. stores sporting Xmas themed bags

What? It's not even Thanksgiving yet. Where's all the autumn decorations? I love autumn and this really bums me out. And on a very basic level, it's just all so very wrong. I think in my lifetime, we'll see the holiday shopping season and decorations begin in JULY. Yep, the 4th of July merchandise will come down and be replaced with Xmas merchandise, alongside Halloween and Thanksgiving items.

I just have this image in my head of a Xmas tree with a turkey topper.... If this is the way we're headed, we need a new name for this season.

Part of me wonders if things aren't just early in an effort to coerce shoppers to spend now. And later. Reports are coming out daily about how much less consumers are purchasing right now because of the economy fears, and retailers gotta be quaking that this year's 4th quarter will be horrendous.

But still. Christmas music in early November? Knock it off, y'all.

Well, apparently, two LJ friends share a birthday today. Happy birthday jrah and zedmanauk.

We've had some major events in the last 24 hours, and for the first time, I feel like I need to take a post private. Looking for input and support on this one, so if you're not a LJ member and have me as a friend, please create a login and add me so you can continue reading. You can post on this one to let me know if you'd like to be added to my friends list and aren't already.

Thanks for understanding!

This week, I'm feeling like a horrible mom. I think I'm suffering from depression. I can't seem to get us out of the house and into some real activity and more importantly, build some relationships both for me and for the children. I think we're all lonely.

FP informed me on Monday, after I expressed my annoyance at his lack of a nap and more importantly for me at the time, my lack of a break as a result, that he was going to get his suitcase out and leave. He sent me a card to tell me this. His drawing had a broken heart, a picture of himself, and footsteps walking out the front door. It made me cry (makes me cry now, too). We sat and cuddled (and I cried) for awhile. Then he told me again he was leaving. MB woke up shortly after, and soon after that, FP tells me he got the green suitcase out from downstairs (he did!), and that after Tae Kwan-do class, he was going to pack up all his clothes and leave. And MB agreed to go with him. Wah! Fortunately, or perhaps unfortunately for him, he twisted his ankle in the first 5 minutes of class. He agreed he'd wait one more day before leaving. Today, it's still on his mind, but he wants to wait another day....

But makes me very sad. I remember packing my suitcase when I was young, too. I was probally around 7, I think. I don't recall the details, only that I felt wronged, and that was that. I was going to leave after bedtime. Sneak out of the house. As I watched the sun set that night, I, of course, realized that I had no where to go. So I never left. And I don't think I ever told anyone about it until I was an adult.

So now I wonder, is this a common thing at this age? Or is my child truly as sad as I am. Am I screwing up so badly that he feels this way?

Today, another Bad Mom moment. Shortly after MB gets up from his nap, he heads to the kitchen. And shortly after that, he comes fussing and complaint-crying into the living room where I am. Seems he's pulled a KITCHEN KNIFE off the counter and somehow has cut the bridge of his nose with it. I'm surprised he wasn't in full blown cry, really. He (and I!) is lucky it was a larger knife, I think, or we could have had eye damage. It's a red, nasty looking gnash right now, but not deep. Again, thankfully it was one of the dull as dirt knives we got from Omaha Steaks years ago as an order gift. The little monkey had a hunk of salome on the floor, and it looks like he was thinking he could cut that himself. Gah! He tries everything, and it's so tiring keeping up with him. But after today, I have to keep a closer eye. And leave NOTHING in hand's reach. (Which isn't always a good rule, as he can also pull out the step ladder and get other things out, if I'm not careful.)

So this week, I'm a bad mom. And it's only Tuesday. I don't know how other stay at home parents do it. I can't keep up with laundry, shopping, and housecleaning, let alone provide quality stimulation for the boys and keep them out of harm's way. Days like today, I think I should be fired. Let someone else raise my boys who's qualified. Cause I certainly don't feel up to the task today. Or most days, lately.

I just don't know what to think about the whole holiday season any more. I like to say that I find them terribly depressing. It's all wrapped up with my birthday, and as I got older, I started to really dread it. But now that I have kids, I try to establish holiday specific traditions for them. But sometimes, my heart really isn't into it. The days fly by, and before I know it, the holiday is upon us and I haven't attempted everything I wanted to do for the season. Once again, failed to do anything for solstice. Last solstice observation was 5 years ago.

I am a horrible gift giver when it comes to my husband. One of the problems is that everything he really wants, he just gets for himself. So I'm left to be supercreative. Last year, I thought I did a pretty good job. I guess nothing was terribly spectacular or surprising, though. This year, I thought we weren't exchanging gifts. So I picked out a few small items from the boys, things that they would think were good gifts to give their father. And I got him one small item that I knew he wanted but hadn't gotten a chance to purchase yet.

And he's gotten me something from the boys too. And it's very nice. And completely thoughtful. And something I'll cherish forever. it's a beautiful charm bracelet with charms to represent myself and the boys (yes, a frog prince, a monkey(boy), and a hippo mama).

And the following morning, he's put something in my stocking as well. I pull out what is obviously a ring box, and inside is the ring we found in the washer this past week. Ha ha. And then he speaks these beautiful, touching words about it was about time he got me a proper ring, how he'd do it all over again, and hands me the real ring box. Inside is a beautiful sapphire ring. I love sapphires. It's the most gorgeous sapphire I've ever seen. And perhaps the largest, as I don't really visit expensive jewelers. He tells me, in the midst of all the chaos of kids opening gifts, from across the room, that it's a one of a kind ring, made by the jeweler, of silver and platinum. It even fits. How he knew my ring size, I don't know. My wedding rings no longer fit (too big), and I don't even know for sure what size my fingers are. I start tearing up as I put the ring on my finger. It's overwhelming. It's chaotic. I'm not sure how to react, really. But I didn't react in the way expected. When I went to the kitchen a few minutes later to cook breakfast for everyone, I took it off, cause I didn't want to get gunk on it. And I don't want it to fall down the drain and get lost like my mother's wedding ring did when I was a kid. And then more chaos with eating and cleaning up. And I don't get the ring put back on.

Truthfully, I wasn't sure if I liked the stone setting or not. I didn't immediately love it, cause it's contemporary in design, and I don't generally lean toward contemporary designs. I'm more of a traditionalist, and when it comes to rings, I tend to prefer simple, delicate things. The ring has an element of that in it, but the band on one side is much thicker. Oddly, the ring looks very thick if worn one way (which unfortunately, was the way I initially put it on), but has a more delicate look if turned around.

Unfortunately, my uncertainty is horrible, and now the ring is going back and I'm supposed to pick out something else. I'm not certain I want to do that. Because this one is the one he picked out, the one that had his thoughfulness in it, the one that has the words that make me cry attached. If I get a different ring, will it still be from him? I don't think he thinks so. Did I mention that he asked me to marry him 10 years ago at Christmastime?

I feel like a complete shit. Completely unworthy of him. I am completely unworthy. I just want to crawl into a dark hole and melt into the earth. Cause he's so very hurt over the whole thing. And I CAUSED IT. And hurting him is the last thing I ever want to do. And I don't know how to react, and how to act, or what to say. I can't imagine picking out a different ring all by myself and ever wearing it. Cause it's not from him any more. I have no idea what to do. He's going to be home from work any moment, and I have to act something. The only thing I can pretty much be certain of is that when I see him all I'm going to do is cry some more, like I have been off and on all day.

Today, HB started his new position. And in essence, so did I. With HB working outside the home, that leaves the childcare and home management completely to me. And I'm really nervous about it. HB has been home and sharing the responsibilities for the past 1.5 years. And before that, our friend nicejaylalived with us and contributed to the household. So I haven't really been home alone with two kids like, ever.

So far this morning, we've managed to have breakfast, wash a load of laundry, get dressed, and mend a major bloody nose for MB. We're all a little grumpy today, as we woke up with HB at 7 am. Or at least, MB did, which then means he wakes everyone else up. We still have a library run on the schedule today, and hopefully, a good, long nap for the boys this afternoon. I probally should be thinking about dinner prep, cleaning the kitchen, and folding laundry too. But I'm feeling like I need to depress for some reason.

This past week I've finally been feeling okay. I've suspected that I've been feeling the baby kick this past week as well, and Saturday I'm certain of it. The whole first trimester has been rather a blur. I think it has yet to really be very real to anyone other than the boys. They both seem very excited and are very curious about the baby. FP wants a sister, but MB only really knows what a brother is, so that's what he wants. A friend of ours is also due in May and has just gotten bad news about the fetal development. I'm very sad for them, but it also worries me about our own baby. Enough that I'm considering an ultrasound this time around.

Well, the boys are off to play-work. I need to go wave "good-bye".

I had hoped to have some more time to adjust and digest things, but HB's family is notorious for their inability to keep secrets. There's no need for wrapping paper. Everyone already knows what's inside. So HB's already started telling the world ...




It's still pretty early. I'm about 6 weeks is all. Which means our pickles are ready to give a try. Funny, huh. Unfortunately, I haven't been religious about charting my cycles lately, so I'm unsure of our estimated arrival date. Our best guestimate, educated tho it may be, is sometime mid-May.

I'm both excited and terrified, truth be told. With MB, we knew we were ready to add another child to our family. We've been talking about a third, but I've been unsure. Yes, I'd like a larger family, but I have so many doubts this time around. MB has been a difficult nurseling. Am I ready to breastfeed at least another three years? The girls have already been on the clock for five. And diapers. OMG, diapers. MB is doing have diapers, half potty right now. With luck, he'll be out of diapers within the next 3 months. Which will give us 6 months diaper free before we're thrown back into it. And sleeping! I can almost envision a baby free bed at last. Room to move. An uninterrupted night's sleep. HB back in my bed every night. Or at least, I could before. Now it's another couple of years of broken sleep.

I've been struggling with alot of mom issues these past couple of months as well. I seem to be holding alot of anger and resentment that manifests in my parenting. With the boys growing older, I can see that window of more me-time. But it's still just a peek, and I keep trying to dive through the window. I need to learn how to take my free time (usually when the boys are napping or otherwise in bed), and actually use it for ME, instead of doing all those little things that need to be done. You know... laundry, cleaning, other things that are easier to finish when there's no little boys running around. Some days I manage to use my time for myself, but then things around the house seem to get out of control. I find myself wondering how the hell previous generations of mothers did this job!

So I'm really trying to get my shadows in order. I need to figure out this parenting thing before we have to morph into a family of 5. OMG. FIVE.

So other than HB's family, and anyone reading this, we haven't yet told anyone else. Oh, and our friends visiting this weekend, who found out about an hour after I confirmed what we both had suspected for the past week or so. I'm not sure if I'll call my family with the news yet or wait another couple of weeks. I did have a miscarriage with my first pregnancy, 7 years ago. I never worried about that with FP, but I did with MB. And I have abit of fear about it again. Waiting for that 12 week mark will be difficult. I doubt I'll be able to keep the secret that long. I really want to shout it to the world, too.

How crazy is this. We're having a spring baby. May here is beautiful. The rains will have slowed and the weather will have taken a turn for the warm. All the trees will be in new Spring greens. The flowers will be in bloom. We'll have to be sure to head out to the cherry orchards for the blossoms. That's such a beautiful image. And I think that's what I'll have to keep in my head for now.

I've been AWAL for awhile now. I'm an addictive personality, unfortunately. I've been in the middle of several games. Lemme tell you about them. Cause I know y'all care so much about this stuff.

First off, I'm proud to say that I finally finished Zelda: Twilight Princess. Yay me! I've played every single Zelda game that's come out. We've even bought console systems for that sole purpose. But I've never, ever, ever actually finished the game. In the past, I'd get to a point and either get stuck, or lose interest. And I'd never go back to it. This time, I did the same thing. But after about a 2 month hiatus, I went back to the game, and eventually, finished. Took me 6 months. That seems like a good use of my $49 entertainment investment, right? FP is playing it now. He watched much of the game already. He was so excited a few days ago when he finally got a sword.

I've also been playing the online (web) game, "OGame" for the past month. It's a space empire type thing, and has been too time consuming. I've managed to move up ranks and seem to be sitting okay. Until all the big guns start doing insane fighting, I think. I dunno. My access and interest in it is waning, surprise, surprise. But I'm hanging on, cause I want to see what happens next. I have my resources built okay, my tech developed okay, and have a moderate fleet for my status. I'm still only farming inactive players. Not sure if I'm one of those players who attacks other active players or not. I suspect my time in this game is coming to an end. I'll probally give it another week and see what happens.

And in other computer news... Once again, my PC has blown up. It's been offline for nearly 3 weeks now. Was displaying typical graphics card problems. It took almost 2 weeks for the new one to arrive due to backordered issues. Very annoying. And even more annoying, the card didn't seem to fix the problem. In fact, it's now acting as though there's an issue with the motherboard. Now my system is enroute back to Falcon. Should have just sent it the first time and not waited around for a video card. Luckily, no problems with UPS this time with the pick-up. It'll be another week before I get my system back. ANNOYING.

I have lots of post topics in my head still. Time to start getting things out on "paper". And maybe there'll be cake too!

I've been meaning to write a follow-up to my last post, and then a few others since. But I never seem to have a good chuck of time to just sit down and write. Most of my online time is a minute caught here, and a minute there, between children. MB in particular really likes to be in my face the minute I sit down with the laptop once he's apparently occupied with an activity. Which lasts until I open my laptop. See how that works? Right now he's running amuck in the office and I have maybe 1/2 an eye on him. Not much he can really do, fortunately. The room is pretty baby-proofed, thanks to all his visits.

( The Follow-Up )

I'm rather excited. I can see the end of the poo-bow! Yes, MB has decided this week that he wants to start using the toilet. On the first day of sitting on the potty, he produced lots of, um, gas. On the second day, he pooped. On the third day, he had a dry diaper all morning long, and peed in the toilet when he got up. After breakfast, he pooped. And before nap, he peed again. Can he really be doing this at 18 months? FP didn't completely finish making the switch from diapers to toilet until 3 years. I'm thrilled. Not to mention, it looks like I'll never have to buy another diaper. MB has been in the same diaper size since he was a month old or so. Talk about cost efficient! That comes down to about $10/month for diapers.



Woo-hoo for Monkey Boy! And woo-hoo for me!

I'm feeling very frustrated about life lately. HB says I'm angry all the time, and I am. But not sure exactly what I'm so frustrated and angry about. Here's some candidates.

Healthy Eating

One of my goals this past year was to put the family onto healthier eating. We did a good job when we first moved to Oregon. We bought locally grown foods, and organics, and we were moving towards whole grains and less processed foods. I even hauled both boys in to tour a local gym. Probably should have joined it, but talked myself out of it. The owner-trainer was a body builder and talked alot about body fat ratios. I didn't feel he was too child friendly/flexible, and I wasn't interested in body fat. I'd like to just get my body in shape and toned. I'd like to be able to walk up and down the hills around our home without a loss of breath. And be able to hold a conversation as I walk. I'd like to take yoga as well. I looked into several studios and gave it some thought. The place I'd like to use provides childcare during the day, but the class I'd need to start with isn't offered during those hours. That investigation never went any further.

Meanwhile, HB started complaining that I was forcing (food) things on him. Like brown rice, which he dislikes, and wheat bread, which he also dislikes. And I wasn't buying chips for him, but was buying alternative snacks for the boys, like rice cakes, crackers, and the like. And I bought ice cream for myself. Which was true. I wasn't buying snackage of the chip variety. But I was buying ice cream for the two of us, which is to say, I bought lots of ice cream for myself, and an occasional gallon of mint chip for Scott for when he cared to join me. He's not a big ice cream eater. I'm not a big chip eater. So I bought chips. Lots of chips. And I've stopped making brown rice. I really love brown rice. I'm completely ambivalent to white rice. I know that brown rice is much healthier for you. But I'm tired of the argument over rice, so if I make rice, it's white again. I buy two different breads every weeks. Whole grained for the boys, and usually sourdough for HB.

And then there's the cupcakes. I never used to like cake much. Or candy. And now I can't seem to stop eating either. When I make a batch of cupcakes, I end up eating the majority of them myself. It's one of the reasons I didn't make cupcakes the whole month of March. But I can't stop eating chocolate. I'm eating it daily. I've gotten addicted to it, and have chocolate cravings that I've never had before. I never understood those who did. And with the cupcake hobby, I have all sorts of "design element" chocolate around. M&M's in varieties, kisses, various other candies.

A couple of months ago, HB went cold turkey on caffeine. No soda. No coffee. He was drinking 2-3 cups of sugar loaded coffee a morning. He'd already cut down on the soda, so was only drinking a few a week. That's alot of calories. Then I noticed that he was cutting down his portions at dinner, too. I didn't say anything. This week is the final straw though. He started walking every day, for at least 30 minutes. He's already visibly lost weight. He says only 15 lbs, but his shirts look much better on him and he can't keep his pants on. And his face is noticeably thinner.

And I can't stop the chocolate. He's making me feel completely fat. Even though, with all the ice cream and chocolate in my daily diet, I don't seem to be gaining any weight. I feel completely fat and unhealthy. It's ironic. I've wanted a health partner for a long time, and I've been pushing HB to join me for healthy eating and exercise. And he's been resistant. For years. Years. And now he has a bug up his butt and is super motivated. And I find it depressing. He looks so great. And I feel nothing but fat. Part of me wants to take every ounce of candy in the house and chuck it. But the other part of me still wants to make cupcakes. It's my artistic expression. Perhaps I should make cupcakes, eat one, then chuck the rest. But that seems like such a waste.

At least I've already cut back on the ice cream. I haven't bought it for a few weeks, and haven't been eating it nightly.

But is this making me angry? Not really. I'm really happy to see that HB is making changes. I just wish I didn't feel so unhealthy too. I probably should re-look at the yoga options and get myself into a studio.

Children

Why are my children making me so frustrated lately? Most of my anger is directed towards them, unfortunately. I feel like a completely bad mom most of the time as a result. I want to be one of those calm and collected moms. I want to use gentle discipline and cooperative living. But it just seems to fall apart. FP must be what people call "high spirited". When he as about 3, his behavior started causing arguments between HB and I as to how it should be corrected. Originally, we'd both read books about natural parenting, like The Continuum Concept. It seemed we were on the same page. But at 3, his behavior become "problem" and we were ill-equipped to handle it. I continued to read supportive parenting books and tried to implement them. But without us both on the same page any more, it just was a struggle. And then it became a struggle in our marriage.

Now, all my good intentions seem to be out the window. I can't cope any more. I can't get FP to cooperate frequently without pushing my buttons. Which is typically at bedtime, when all I want it to have kids in bed and have some time for myself or to spend some couple-y time with HB. HB resorts to spanking threats and occasionally follows through. I don't want to do that as I can see how that's affecting FP. Lately he's been attempting to give physical "consequences" to both MB and the pets when they don't do what he wants. And he's been expressing how unfair it is that adults get to do whatever they want, and kids don't. I know that I yell as a way to escalate without hitting. But anger is anger, isn't it. I think part of my night-time anger is due to this stupid behavior pattern we've fallen into, and part due to an unwillingness to give up "me time". This longing for "me time" is causing me to live outside the moment, and I think it's leaving my children behind. I'm missing out on what's happening with them, while trying to hurry them through the routine, the steps, in order to get to ME.

Okay, more on this later. Right now, I need to go hug my husband and children, and relax in my expectations.

From this Sunday's Parade Magazine (PersonalityParade column):

"..we're big fans of Marg Helgenberger on CSI and David Caruso on CSI:Miami. Both convey depth and feeling through subtle gestures and expression."

Are you kidding me? CSI: Miami is unwatchable. What is Walter Scott smoking?

For your viewing pleasure:

You be the judge.

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Well, after finding my system, it's finally arrived. The box is in less than perfect shape. UPS is claiming the reason it wasn't delivered originally was because of a wrong address. And ayup, they inputted the address as a NE instead of NW. The system is supposed to be suspended between two air pressure cushions in its box, but it looks like it was knocked lose. The system was leaning against the side instead of being suspended.

HB took it downstairs for me and hooked it back up. And yes, shipping like that did damage another component. This time it's the video card. A quick call to Falcon, and a replacement is on its way. And they're not sending it UPS this time. USPS should take the same amount of time as UPS, since we're only about 4 hours away.

Falcon's comment about the state of the box: I hate to say it, but I think UPS doesn't like you.

Now, I don't know who's responsible for the box damage, but I'd think Falcon would know how to use their own boxes to insure no damage. Shrug.

Are you friggin kidding me? Just got the word that UPS has LOST my falcon NW machine. Which we sent in last week for repair. Which needed a new motherboard. Which needed a new CPU right out of the box when we first received it last fall. Just got the tracking number this afternoon, only to find it was out for delivery yesterday. We've had nothing but trouble with UPS, it seems, for anything remotely important. They do fine with simple amazon.com deliveries and the like. But something bigger, more expensive, and suddenly, problems galore.

So now we wait while UPS "investigates". Has anyone ever had them find a package under investigation? I didn't think so.

I'm starting to think that I should just pick random days to celebrate, rather than sticking to some predetermined calendar that the rest of you follow. I'm always late getting holiday decorations up. I did so much better this year for Holidaze - we had things decorated by mid December. And I had gifts purchased by the first of the month. But Halloween wasn't so punctual. We never got around to draping the cobwebs and getting into the spirit. Spiritual holidays/observations are a joke. And that makes me so sad. Imbolic came and went this year, without a peep. Well, maybe a peep. I did mention to FP that the Goddess was starting to wake up and pointed out some signs of it. We have crocus growing outside our front door. (Yay!) All kinds of bulbs are suddenly sprouting, much to my surprise. FP has started having a relationship with the Goddess and God, so we're trying to make an effort. Still, Imbolic came and went. Groundhog's day came and went.

So Valentine's Day was last week. While I was making valentine's cupcakes, which I had been planning for a week, so I wasn't really behind, FP made and decorated valentines to send to family. That project is still in the works, as he put so much effort into them, he only got 4 done that night (Mama, Papa, Grammy & Opa, and <lj user="nicejayla">). They're still not in the mail, though. Do I wait for all of them? Probally not. Should be in the mail tomorrow.

The cupcakes were a royal mess! I tried using silicon for the first time. I filled them as though they were standard size cups. MISTAKE! They're really slightly larger than a mini. I had cupcakes overflowing everywhere...

Even though there was only half the cake in each, I decided to finish them anyway. I used Gail Wagman's Valentine's Day Cupcakes. This is a sour cream based chocolate cake, filled with cherry cream cheese and topped with "cherries jubilee" frosting. I was wanting to do something cheesecake-y, chocolate, and strawberry, but couldn't decide and finally, this was it. The overflowing chocolate actually tasted more like brownies than cake, so was concerned how the whole thing would taste in the end. I realize now that the sugar in the overflow crystallized like brownies, but the cake in general didn't, doesn't, and was fine.

The second step was to shoot the cherry cream into the center. I used a piping bag and tip to do this. The size of the silicon made it difficult to fill - just wasn't enough cake to do the cream justice, it seemed. I was supposed to use an apple corer to remove the middle of the cake, fill it, then replace the core. I don't have one of those. The bag and tip works just as well, I think. I plugged the whole with a whole cherry, and shoved it down inside.

Finally, I frosted and decorated each with a dark chocolate "cupid mix" MM. I had enough batter to fill three standard cups, and these turned out the best. Flavor was great. The silicon cups have to be eaten with a spoon. I'll have to try these again as regular cupcakes.

Happy Valentine's Day!

We have a new camera (SLR!) arriving next week, so this is probally my last poor foodie shots. G'bye poor lighting and bad flashes! Hope your day was filled with love and warm fuzzies. We miss all of you down south!

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Okay, I'm a big geek. I'd love nothing more than to get one of these backpacks for FP. It'd bring me major geek glee, I think, to see him walking down the street with one on his back.

But speaking of geek, we're all Star Wars geeks around here. FP has all the Galactic Heroes characters, and I can't stop buying any new releases, either. His Star Wars bin is overflowing. I think he doesn't really play with all the characters - Anakin continues to be his favorite in all things Star Wars. Not the boy Anakin from PM, but the young man from AoTC. He asks me to be his Padame frequently. There's a whole Oedipus thing going on there, too, that I won't go into right now.

And now they've released a series of figures based on the Marvel superheroes. Yes, we have a complete set already, although we haven't given them to FP yet. They're very cool.

Am I strange? Am I doing this more for myself than for him? I always wished I had SW figures when I was a kid. Legos was another toy I loved but didn't have until my brother (6 years younger) started receiving them. I'd play Legos with him. I played SW with my male cousin. Played sandbox with him too. But never had any of these toys for myself. Now the things I love to buy for FP are star wars figures and legos.

Ironically, I feel I suck at playing SWs figures with FP. I have no SW imagination! After all the RPGs and LARPs, I can't play Star Wars with my 4 year old. I suck. At least I can build stuff with Legos. But not as well as nicejayla, who's dragon is still raved about.

Do I have no imagination?